Dean Lombardi is probably the best one night stand that NHL world has to offer. Over the past year or so Dean has tried to "Wooo" some of the NHL's biggest stars and has failed so very miserably. To be honest it is almost comical you would think with the amount of resounding one night stands Lombardi had been apart of that he was offering them a job at McDonalds for minimum wage or even worse..... the Islanders! So what is Lombardi doing wrong? We were able to record one of his dates with thee Ilya Kovalchuk to find out how Dean really operates.
(It was said that Kovalchuk and Lombardi met at a quiet private dinner somewhere in fancy pants Los Angeles, this is where our story begins.)
Dean: Ilya I just want to thank you again for coming out here so we can talk to you about your future with our franchise here in LA.
Kovy: Where is my Vodka?
(Dean turns around quickly and screams at the young beautiful blonde waitress.)
Dean: Where the f*ck is my super stars drink! Unless you want to change your profession to street walker on sunset I suggest you move the tiny little ass of yours to get my friend here is drink he ordered 2 minutes ago!
Kovy: Mr. Lombardi you don't have to....
Dean: No it's fine Ilya I use to bang her, wait why do you wanna take her for a ride because I....
Kovy: Mr. Lombari I am married.
Dean: O.... so hasn't she ever heard of Tiger Woods? Anyway we need you here in LA and you need us.
Kovy: I want my money!
Dean: Yes but LA is such a beautiful city ready to embrace its next big superstar.
Kovy: How much money?
Dean: You could be the next Gretzky for the Kings Ilya, just think of the possibilities!
Kovy: How much money?
Dean: This is a first class organization that is not afraid to go the extra mile. We will take care of your extra curricular habits including your hooker habit....
Kovy: I am married Mr. Lombardi
Dean: ....that includes all young and old women alike and like I said before that blonde waitress of ours.
Kovy: I think I need a translator.
(Nicole Kovalchuk enters the private dinning room to help clear up some communication issues the two are having.)
Kovy: Tell him I am trying to talk money.
Nicole: Mr.Lombardi Ilya is trying to talk financial negotiations with you.
Dean: Who the hell are you the puppet master? Your realize were in LA and that I can replace you in 30 seconds with the next hot piece of ass that probably costs half as much as you and talks even less. Do us a favor baby and sit there looking hot until the men are done talking.
(Kovalchuk's Blackberry beeps with a message from Jeff Vanderbeek the owner of the Devils. The message says that they are willing to ignor Lou Lamoriello and push the price up to 100 million dollars.)
(The waitress comes back with the glass of Vodka.)
(Kovy shoots down the glass of vodka quickly jumps up from his seat and says...)
Kovy: Sorry Dean got a better offer, O and say goodbye to my wife.
(Nicole Kovalchuk punches Lombardi in the face breaking his nose as he begins to cry loud and obnoxiously.)
Dean: That didn't even hurt!
(The End)
More to come including how Dean messed up signing Mike Fisher, grabbing Marian Gaborik and so much more, Stay Tuned!
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